Where's Tiger?

Is it just me or has Tiger Woods vacated the Hazeltine area? After all the fanfare of Davis Love selecting him as a 'crucial' vice Captain, the only thing Tiger seems to have done is a runner.

Has anyone seen him? Is he OK?

"My money's on the under ground tunnels theory..."

Maybe there's an innocent explanation for all this but these are the scenarios we think are most likely.

1) Has he created an elaborate series of under ground tunnels allowing him to move freely around the golf course without the irritation of having to encounter the general public.

2) Has he simply not had the time to actually do any vice captaining on account of all the fine work he's been doing for the Hooters' Cocktail Waitresses Fallen On Hard Times project.

3) Has he just realised how depressing it is being at a Ryder Cup and not playing, and is now holed up in his hotel, quivering under his duvet, knee deep in Big Macs, tequila and ladies of questionable moral fortitude.

4) He's so angry about the ridicule he received after attempting to photo-bomb the Team USA official team picture on Thursday that he's actually doing a Where's Waldo? and can now been seen in every TV shot of the golf course, you just have to look very hard to find him.

5) He got wind of a chino convention in down town Hazeltine and has literally gone berserk, buying 400 pairs (all beige), which he is ferrying back to his hotel, one at a time, for no reason other than it will take his mind off the Ryder Cup. Which he is not playing in.

"Seriously? Chinos? Again?..."

Who knows? All we do know is that he ain't anywhere to be seen on the golf course.

Please, if you have any knowledge about his whereabouts, if you have seen anything no matter how trivial it might seem, call us on our 24/7 Where's Tiger hotline. The number of which we have forgotten 

Related:

Tiger's brilliant Caddyshack acting advert