Andrew “Tofu” Johnston

Would you like a nut roast with that?

The UK branch of the animal rights organization PETA (People for the ethical treatment of animals) have written an open letter to Andrew ‘‘Beef” Johnston yesterday, asking him to become a vegan and change his nickname from “Beef” to “Tofu.”

Here’s their drift:

Dear Andrew,

Congratulations on all your success this year! Like many others, we’ve been enthusiastically following your career, and we thought we’d send you a gift of delicious vegan steaks and burgers in the hope that you’ll consider adopting a kinder, healthier vegan lifestyle, which would pave the way for a new nickname: Andrew “Tofu” Johnston.

Along with tofu, veggie burgers and soya steaks are readily available, high in protein, and low in artery-clogging saturated fats and cholesterol. By ditching beef and other animal-derived foods, you could reduce your risk of developing heart disease by a long shot (actually, by a whopping 32 per cent, according to a study from the University of Oxford).

And if that’s not enough, consider that vegetarians and vegans live, on average, six to 10 years longer than meat-eaters do. Just think how many more championships you could win during that time. Replacing beef burgers with bean burgers would also save many animals a year from the routine cruelty of the meat industry – including painful mutilations such as branding and castration without anesthetics.

Your new nickname would also raise awareness of the urgent need to move towards a cruelty-free lifestyle to offset the worst effects of climate change. According to the United Nations, animal agriculture is “one of the top two or three most significant contributors to the most serious environmental problems, at every scale from local to global”.

I hope you’ll agree that going vegan is a hole in one for your health, animals, and the environment.”

We say don’t mess with the “Beef” and spare us the dreadful puns.

Related:

Click here or on the image below to 'Keep it veal' with the Beef